Happy Father’s Day!

So, you think I’m going crazy or somewhat confused with the calendar for writing about Father’s Day in November. Well, I am completely aware that Father’s Day is celebrated in June. I am writing this very special entry with so much excitement as I am celebrating one of the most important days of my life. Today is my father’s special day. Today is Tatay’s birthday. Ooops, my dad’s name is Franco Argamaso and not Andres Bonifacio! Ka-bertday lang po ni Tatay si Ka Andie! 🙂

Short warning: I might get emotional… this is one of the topics that I try not to talk about as it always bring me tears. I will try though if I could inject some fun in this entry. 🙂

Most of you might have noticed that I rarely talk about my father. My Mom has been mentioned a million times already in most of my blogs while my Dad was mentioned only once. The question “Where is your dad?” only arises during the early stages of friendship, initial conversations or in the course of job interviews. And once I briefly answered that question, I would never hear anyone ask about my Dad anymore. I completely understand though since it’s hard to talk about someone who’s been gone for almost 2 decades now.

Just a brief backgrounder, Tatay, as I fondly call my father, died in 1990… oh well, he was killed in the morning of December 26, 1990. I can almost see your faces in total shock wanting to know why and how Tatay was murdered. Well, that’s a long story and I don’t want to write down the details of that unpleasant incident. Besides, we’ve already claimed justice to the case. (Tama ba ang pagkaka-English ko dito? Hehehe!)

I am a self-proclaimed “Daddy’s Girl”. Mommy used to tell me that Tatay seriously engaged himself in a novena devotion to St. Jude when I was still in her womb. Tatay ardently prayed for a baby girl… well, little did he know that his baby girl grew up to be a macho girl! Hahaha!

Tatay and I were extremely close. We shared lots of fun moments together. We were the best of friends before I became real close to my Mom (I think I mentioned this in one of my blogs already). Tatay was my official buddy, my fulltime barkada. We liked hanging out together… from having a wholeday Ramon-Revilla-or-FPJ TV marathon to doing our regular going-to-relatives-in-Marikina Sundays. I still remember the days where I would always trick Tatay and pretend to be sleeping on our way home from Marikina. He would then carry my as we traced the Coca-cola Plant passage in Otis… pero alam naman pala ni Tatay na nagtutulug-tulugan lang ako! Hehehe! Those were my fondest moments with Tatay.

When I was 9, Tatay got a bit worried of the new state that I was about to enter. Together with Mommy, they talked to me about the yucky love stuff. They both encouraged me to be candid about any feelings or emotions I might have for the opposite sex. In short, Tatay and Mommy wanted the three of us to have an open communication line on things about love and relationships. Well, too bad, Tatay was not able to experience it as I was only 14 years old when he died... wala pa yata akong kamuang-muang sa pag-ibig at that time! I have some crushes on the side though! Hehehe!

My highschool moments with Tatay were both fun and ‘nakakaasar’. I studied in Special Science along Nagtahan in Sampaloc. Whenever Tatay would offer me ‘hatid’ to school, I would always frown and hope that he’s not serious. Tatay’s ‘hatid’ offer meant that we’ll have our walk-at-Nagtahan-Bridge bonding moments. So, ‘pag dating ko sa school eh pawis-pawisan na ang beauty ko! And what’s even worse is some classmates would tell me, “Uy, nakita ko kayo ng Tatay mo kanina, naglalakad sa Nagtahan.” Aaarrrggghhhh! Kaasar di bah?!

I’m glad though that Tatay was not a strict father in terms of school activities. Tatay would always allow me to attend those late night parties so I never missed a single party in school. The downside though is that he set a curfew time of nine o’clock. Imagine that?! Eh kasagsagan pa lang ng sayawan nun, noh?! And here’s the funny part, Tatay would always pick me up at exactly 9pm. Yung tipong I’m in the middle of a ‘sweet’ dance, and there goes the PA saying, “Calling Ms. Francia Argamaso, your father is waiting at the lobby!” Three times pang uulit-ulitin yan, hah?! Each and every party I went to eh ganyan ang scenario! Aaaarrrrggggghhhhh uli! Kaasar talaga!

Those were some of my ‘kaasar’ moments with Tatay. But now, those ‘kaasar’ moments simply make me smile.

Despite Tatay’s machismo image and strong dispositions, I felt Tatay was a bit insecure. He never had a regular employment after the construction company he worked for closed down in 1987. He then worked on an irregular and per project basis. There were lots of low moments in our family life but I saw him tried his very best to provide for us. Together with Mommy’s dressmaking stint and my aunt’s (actually my cousin’s) financial support, we were able to get through a very simple life. I remember this one time when we had to meet up with my aunt at So-en’s Store along Araneta Avenue in QC for some Christmas shopping. He told me, “Dito na lang tayo sa labas. Nakakahiya eh! Wala naman tayong pera para pumasok dyan!” I wanted to reply back, “Tay, okay lang yun! Wala naman pong bayad ang umupo sa loob at mag-window shopping!” I was very young then, it didn’t occur to me that he was somehow insecure and ashamed of our status in life. And when I think about it now, I feel so sad for Tatay. But there was nothing I could do back then.

I also feel sad for this one thing that Tatay begged for us… an old refrigirator from his sister. He wasn’t able to get that old ref because that thing was replaced long after he died. So when I started working in 1995, the first thing I bought with my first Christmas paycheck was a refrigirator… a long-due gift for Tatay! Again, too bad, he wasn’t able to experience having one in the house.

I am still not as successful as other people I know. But I think, if Tatay is alive today, he would somehow be proud of what I have accomplished. I may have not fulfilled his dream of me being an international flight stewardess (I tried applying though but I’m a bit short on the height requirement) but I know deep in my heart, Tatay is darn proud of what I have become.

To Tatay, I thank you for everything. I know how you wanted to give us a better life, but for some valid reasons, you cannot just grab any opportunity that came your way. Mommy and I truly understood your dilemma. We love you for what you are. We may not have experienced being together for quite a long time, but those 14 years were more than enough to feel your love for me and Mommy. You are always in my prayers and I always ask God to continuously keep you in His loving arms. May the good Lord bless your soul. I truly miss and love you, ‘Tay!

Happy Father’s Day to me! Happy Birthday to you, Tatay!

 

Naisip Ko Lang Uli…

Naisip ko lang… rest muna sa serious blog writing mood. Tagalog-tagalugan muna uli ang drama ko with a little dash of kabadingan! I just wanna breathe from that English blogging chuvaness for a little while! Honestly, serious nosebleed talaga ako dun sa 2nd to the last post ko. Super try-to-death ako at 5 days in the making to write that exhilirating topic! Then, nung binasa ko uli, very jologs naman pala ang dating! Feeling know-it-all-about-love pa naman ang drama ko nun! Hmp, dunung-dunungan kasi! So I thought, never again will I try to write such topic. Sadyang hindi kaya ng powers ko na tapatan si Joe D’ Mango! Pero aminin nyo, maganda ang title nun di ba? Sablay lang talaga sa content! Hahaha! Well, well, well, pasensya na lang po at emotera ang drama ko nun.

Naisip ko lang… tigilan na ang mga drama moments. Wiz na ang mga sad thoughts. End na ang mala-MMK na atmosphere. Sitcom mood naman ako. Bright and happy naman dapat ang image ko. Kaya lagot kayo, back to my usual wacky self na ako! Hahaha! Ingat-ingat lang kasi baka magbalik din ako sa usual Ms. Minchin self ko! Wehehe!

Naisip ko lang… kumustahin kayong mga nagta-tiyagang magbasa nitong blog ko. In freshness, dumarami na kayo. Pero di ko alam kung ilan ang exact figures huh?! Wala po kasi ako visitor’s or reader’s tracker. Actually, there is a way to know kung ilan ang readers. Pero haller?!?!?! Not in a million years will I pay para lang malaman kung ilang hits ako per entry. Feeling professional blogger naman yun!!! Asa galore lang ako sa Recent Comments section on the left side of my page… ooooops, lilingon yan sa kaliwa at iche-check yung comments section! Hahaha! Well, with all beauty and honesty (o wag na kumontra sa beauty… intentional yan, not typo-error! hehehe!) eh napapa-Wear-A-Big-Smile ako sa tuwing nakakabasa ng comments. May it be encouraging, may it be pang-asar or may it be another blog-material dahil sa sobrang haba ng comment eh it really makes me smile! Mention ko lang ang mga addition to my reader’s pool… MEDJ and GHIE, MARAMING SALAMAT PO! Woohoo, apat na nagbabasa ng blog ko! Hahaha! Well seriously, mejo marami naman na po akong tagasubaybay. Yun iba eh sa text, email o YM nagpapadala ng mga komento… di pa yata alam kung pano mag-post ng comment dito! Hahaha! Joke lang! Peace po! "Nakakatuwa!", "Nakakaaliw!", "Very inspiring!", "Nice blog, I totally agree with you!"… ilan lamang yan sa mga nakakataba ng puson, este puso pala, na komento ang natatanggap ko. Kaya po ako’y so very much thankful sa inyo… mas lalo po akong na-iinspire sumulat. At sa inyong mga silent lurkers at comatose ang drama, maraming salamat din po! Nawa’y natutuwa kayo sa munting pagbabahagi ko ng aking mala-rollercoaster na nararamdaman.

Naisip ko lang… mag-advertise ng future blog entry. Some-kinda excited na ako to post this one specific blog about a very important man in my life. Hmmnnn… curious na ba kayo? Well, hindi pa po ito ang takdang oras para ilatha ko sya. Kaya, heto muna ang masasabi ko sa inyo: ABANGAN ANG SUSUNOD NA KABANATA!

Naisip ko lang… siguro gusto nyo na naman akong patayin at wala na namang saysay ang blog ko ngayon. Well, pasensya na kyo, tapos na! Nasayang ko na naman ang oras nyo! Bwahahaha!

Yun lang po… naisip ko lang uli! 🙂

My Chatroom Encounter

Kwento ko lang…

Online ako kagabi (haller, palagi kaya noh?!). Check ng email, puro spam naman! Open ng Friendster account, hoping na may nag-view ng profile… in fairness marami ah! Check ng Friendster blog, hoping uli na may nag-comment sa post… kaso wala eh! Open ng Limewire, nagpaplano na magdownload ng mga kanta para sa iPod. Open ng YM… well, di muna ako nag-invisible mode kasi di naman masyadong busy. Kaya hayun, nakita ako ni Amiel! Classmate ko sya nung high school. Ang bruho, nagpaturo pumasok sa yahoo chatroom. Since nasa bait-baitan mode ako, nag-online tutorial muna kami on how to enter chatrooms. Feeling techie naman ako! Hehehe! I find it weird though na di nya alam pumasok sa chatrooms eh obvious naman kung ano dapat i-click na button to start chatting, di ba? Sorry Amiel! Hehehe! At nang matapos kami sa tutorial ek-ek, ang bruho, iniwan na ako sa ere! Marami na yatang naka-chat! Hehehe!

Anyways, balik ako sa browsing drama ko. Suddenly, I felt bored. Hala, nangati ang kamay… biglang nag-click ng Yahoo Chat! So, pumasok ako sa chatroom… Pinoy Chat, as always! Medjo matagal-tagal din nung huli akong pumasok sa chatroom. Nabuwisit kasi ako dati nung nag-try ako… hala, naglipana na pala ang mga bastos na chatters! Tsaka madalas Indian ang online! Mga buwisit na yun, tumatambay sa Pinoy Chat! Bakit ba naman kasi di sila mag-create ng Indian Chat, noh?!

Well, yung pagpasok ko sa chatroom eh trip-trip lang talaga. Tapos nung makapasok ako, nag-error naman itong chat window ko! I can’t find my way out! Nagpanic ako! So close-my-window na lang ang drama ko. Then, back to my usual activity.

Until suddenly, I received a buzz! Sabi lang "Hi!". I checked the yahoo id… cute ID! Di ko na lang sasabihin yung chat ID at baka i-chat nyo pa sya! Hehehe! So, nagreply ako ng "Hey!". Hayan na, tanungan na ng ASL at pakilanlanan galore! Isang nakakapagod na bagay sa chat! Sabi 35/M/Makati daw sya. As always, I tell some correct details, so sabi ko 31/F/Manila ako. Then I asked, "So what do you do?" Ang sabi, "I’m into IT… Network Engineer". Then I thought, "Hmmmnnn, pasok sa budget!" Hehehe! Kaya tuloy ang Q&A portion. Pero nung tinanong kung saan ako nagwowork, hala, nagsimula na ako magsinungaling! Mahirap na, baka kidnapin pa ako! Hehehe!

Well in freshness, este in fairness, to the guy, may sense syang kausap… kaya naman carry ng powers ko na pinagtiyaagan syang ka-chat. Natuwa ako sa conversation namin. Para kaming old-time friends. Ang bruho, nag-open ng mga nangyari sa araw nya sa office. Nag-away daw sila ng boss nya. Pero pinagsisihan daw nya ginawa nya. O, wag nyo akong tanungin ng ginawa nya sa boss nya dahil di ko din naitanong! Sa sobrang ka-badtripan nung mama, nag-aya ng inuman! Tama ba yun?! Maghanap ba ng kainuman sa chat?! Bago yun ha?! Hehehe!

Maayos naman ang inuman invite nung mama kaya di ako na-offend. Actually natawa pa nga ako! Sabi ko pa nga, he reminds me of a friend… a very special friend! Bigla ko ngang naisip na baka sya talaga yung friend ko at pinagti-tripan lang ako! Pero mukhang hindi naman! Katuwa talaga kausap, may sense talaga! First time ko atang kumausap ng matino sa chat. Hehehe!

Of course I didn’t give in sa inuman invite. Ano ako bale?! Pano kung bad boy pala sya in person? Pano kung rapist sya? Pano kung 55 sya na nagkubli lang na 35? Pero pano kung hindi? Pano kung mabait naman pala talaga? Pano kung prince charming in the making pala ang lolo nyo?

Hay naku, ang mga "what if’s" ng buhay!

Oh well, these things will remain unanswered. He left his number though before logging out. Di ko naman sinave kasi I don’t have intentions to text or call him. Full-time Maria Clara talaga ako! Hahaha!

I guess, I will leave this thing to fate. If we cross paths again online, so be it. Pero kung hindi naman, ok lang. As most wise men say, "Bahala na si Batman!"

And to you, my one-time chatmate, thanks so much. I really had a fun time last night! 🙂

= = = = = = = = = = =

Spared na naman ako sa nosebleed! Hahaha!

My Idea of Love… decoded!

Looks like an interesting topic, huh?! Well actually, I got inspired to write this entry as a continuation of my previous post. When I re-read it last night, I felt I sounded so overly strong and annoyed with that standard thing. I guess, no one can blame me for feeling that way as I am almost always accused of having such high standards… and this “so-called standards” is the main reason of my being single at 30s. Well, I too can’t blame people for thinking that way. Some are just curious and some are simply worried that I may become too much contented as a single person.

I know I do not need to explain myself to anyone nor prove that I am not that ‘picky freak’ as other people would coin me to be. I do not also intend to defend my singlehood nor want to prove that being single is a much better state than being married, or vice versa. I am writing this entry simply because I wanted to share some of my personal thoughts, ideas and beliefs on love and relationships. And hopefully, give people a better understanding of why I do not have a better-half yet.

So let’s get the ball rolling with my kick-ass statement: “Believe it or not, I do not want to endulge myself on love.”

Hah! Such a strong statement there, eh?!

Of course, I have my own reasons why I have that statement in mind. As I may have written in one of my entries, I have my share of love stories in the past. And mine were not the “ideal” kind of relationships a simple girl would/could ever dream of. My stories are rather exceptional and are known only to people who are very close to me. So, if you have a crystal clear idea of what I am trying to say, well then, close friends tayo! 😛

For me, love is a not a game to be played. Love is and always will be a serious thing. Love is such a strong word. People would rarely hear me say those 3 divine words. And when I say those words, it only means one thing… I am dead serious of what I feel.

Love entails a lot of things. Happiness. Companionship. Acceptance. Commitment. Responsibility. Sacrifice. It gives a person a sense of belongingness. It allows a person do things unexpectly. It makes a person do things unselfishly. Love gives an unexplainable feeling of sensation.

Love has its drawbacks though. Pain. Hurt. Resentment. Heartache. Most of the time, it leaves a person devastated. Sometimes, it makes a person feel so low, wasted and so damn worthless. But these things actually make love more valuable and make a person stronger. Somehow, these drawbacks make a person be an expert on love and make a person undertand love a little bit more… in a hard way.

But how ever which way we think about it, love is such a wonderful thing.

Being involved with someone without love is such a useless feeling. Yes, I have tried this once some years back and it’s not a nice feeling. I only felt emptiness. It was just a waste of time… such a waste of my precious time! And I promised myself to never do that again… not in this lifetime. Anyhow, it’s also good to have experienced such thing. It further confirmed my thoughts and ideas on love.

I don’t want to indulge myself on love simply because I don’t want to play with my emotions. I don’t want to put my heart on the line. Yes, I’m not a risk taker. I want to stay in my comfort zone. I want to keep myself intact first before I enter the complicated world called love. Because when I fall in love, I just don’t give my heart to certain person… I give my whole being. I give him my present and my future. I give him all of me.

And despite this Winkie-don’t-want-to-indulge notion, my heart is in fact open for a new love… it always is. I’m just overly careful not to experience those negative things love brings… pain, suffering and heartbreak.

So there, I said it. I’m not sure if I was able to clearly tell my ideas on love… my inner thoughts on love and being in love.

Please Give Me A Break!!!

Setting: Iceberg’s Resto at Harbour Square, CCP Complex

Characters: Winkie and two (2) other friends

Friend 1: “Eh teka nga pala, Winks. Ano ba plano mo sa buhay? Alam mo, feeling ko tatanda kang dalaga!”

Winkie: (thinking…)

Friend 2: “Oo nga, Winks! Ano ba kasi hinahanap mo? Ano ang requirements mo sa lalaki?”

Winkie: (speechless…)

Friend 1: “Gurl, you’re not getting any younger. Next year eh wala ka na sa kaledaryo noh?!”

Friend 2: “Kasi naman, Sis! Ang taas-taas kaya ng standards mo!”

Winkie: (sumagot na sa wakas) “Standards??? Di mataas ang standards ko noh?! Actually, di ko na nga alam kung may standards ako eh!”

Friend 1: “Hay naku, di na ako magugulat if you’d end up an old maid! Eh teka, gusto mo mag-anak ka na lang?”

Friend 2: “Yeah, hanap ka na lang ng good breed.”

Winkie: (nagtaka… sinabi sa sarili: “Good breed? Ano ako? Aso?! Hehehe!”)

Friend 2: ” Eh Sis, ano ba talaga ang hinahanap mo sa lalaki? Nakakataka lang kasi. You look ok naman, eh bakit wala ka ring ‘papa’?”

Winkie: (malapit nang maasar…)

Friend 1: “Ayaw mo ba man lang mag-explore? Go out on dates. Eh teka, baka naman kasi conservative ka magdamit kaya di ka napapansin ng kalalakihan!”

Winkie: (asar na ng konti) “Ako, conservative magdamit? Kelan?”

Friend 2: (wearing a fitted plunging neckline blouse) ” Haller, di kaya conservative yan noh? Mas conservative pa kaya ako magdamit dyan!”

Friend 1: “Look at what you’re wearing now? Three-fourths long-sleeved polo? Tama ba yan?”

Winkie: (naasar na nang tuluyan) “Ano ka ba? Galing ako ng office noh?!”

Friend 1: “Eh what do you wear when you go out on gimmicks?”

Winkie: (proud pa!) “The usual… skimpy clothes… body hugging blouses. At pag shorts, super short shorts talaga! You know, the usual me!”

Friend 1: “Ah ok. Try ka kaya ng ibang strategy… balutin mo naman kaya yang sarili mo! Harharhar!”

Funny? Not for me! This conversation transpired 2 weeks ago when I met up with 2 of my closest college friends. Isa lang ang gusto kong isagot sa kanila, “Pleeeeaaaassssseeee, give me a break!”

For the nth time, I heard that silly annoying question again! For the nth time, I had to explain myself to others again! And for the nth time, I had to re-think if there is something wrong with me.

I guess, this ‘standard’ thing has become more and more annoying as time passes by. I feel that this Winkie-having-high-standards notion has become so overated. People are expecting specific answers from me whenever they throw that “Ano ba kasi talaga ang requirements mo?” question. Eh teka, san ba kasi nagsimula yang ‘standards’ thing na yan? Sino nagsabi na I have such high standards? Why do all people I know think of me as such?

I have done an entry on me-having-high-standards already in the past and I somehow made fun of the topic by listing some of my so-called wish list for a guy. Yeah, those are good-to-have characteristics and when you try to read through it again very carefully, I am in fact looking for someone who is close to perfection. All those characteristics are hard to find in just one guy… pwede siguro 5 guys, 2 characteristics each! Hehehe!

Well seriously, I’m really not a fan of that ‘standard’ thing… it really annoys me big time! As I would always say to those who aren’t tired of asking me that annoying question, I’m simply into compatibility… physical and attitude wise! I simply want someone who shares the same values and beliefs as me. Simple lang… yung jive lang kami! That’s all I want. And when I find that right person, I will accept him the way he is… his whole persona… his whole being. No if’s, no but’s. Yun nga lang, I would expect that ‘right person’ to do the same for me… to accept me the way I am. No if’s, no but’s.

Well, I know someday that special someone will come. And when that time comes, I would gladly shout to the whole world, “Habemus Papam!” (I now have a new ‘papa’!)

So for now, let me do my thing… let me enjoy life… let me live my life the way I wanted it to be. Just give me a break from all those annoying questions… please!!!

My Weekend at the Shang :-)

I really don’t have anything planned last weekend as I wasn’t feeling too well. I was having this severe headache last Friday which lasted until Saturday morning. (A friend once told me to  always tag it as “migrane” para sosyal pakinggan! Hehehe!). My migrane (o, sosy na ba pakinggan? hehehe!) got me bed-ridden for a while. But as soon as I felt better, I gave in to a friend’s invite for a stroll in Glorietta (grabe, kaladkarin talaga ako! hehehe!).

While my friend and I are busy doing our usual rounds, I received a text message from my niece. It was another invite… dinner at the Shang! Who in the world could say no to that invite?! Too bad, I had to leave my friend… Shang-rila Hotel kaya yun noh?! Hehehe! Yeah, I really felt bad for leaving my friend but I already bribed her with a cup of mocha frap for that selfish act of mine 🙂

Well, to cut the long story short, I ended up staying at the Shang with my cousin, his wife and their three kids. As always, the highlight of my stay with my cousin’s family are the times spent with my 2 nieces and nephew. I really like hanging out with them as they all bring me so much joy. The two ‘dalagitas’ are always pumped up to having some girls talk with me while the youngest would always make lambing that makes my heart melt.

My Shang weekend was somehow different. I was able to spend some gimmick moments with my Kuya and his wife. We had a couple of drinks at Conway’s Bar. Well, as always, I would opt for San Mig Light. Eto namang Kuya ko, extremely shocked at marunong ako uminom ng beer! Sus, San Mig Light lang? Eh kahit ata isang case nun kaya ko! Hahaha!

The music was somewhat familiar to me as the band played songs from the 70s and 80s. I was so very eager to hit the dance floor but I wasn’t with my usual gimmick buddies so my two left feet remained in comfy position under our table. It wasn’t my kind of crowd anyways. The dance floor was filled with middle-aged socialites and hard-to-understand-if-they-know-to-groove foreigner dance enthusiasts. I’m sure magmumukha lang akong jologs kung makikisayaw ako sa kanila… hehehe!

We were having so much fun watching the ‘elistas’ groove and grind their booggie and swing steps until one of the band members announced that the next song will be played for a very special lady. The band member then said, “This one’s for you, Mom!”. No one dared to hit the dance floor… not even those sweet couples in the audience dared to dance with the song “What A Wonderful World”. In the middle of the song, one of the band members got off the stage and took that special lady. She was a 92-year old lady. He escorted her to the dance floor and they started to dance so beautifully together. T’was such a very nice site… the kind of scene I don’t usually see everyday. The old lady owned the dance floor. That very moment, all eyes were on her. She really owned that moment! That nice scene got me teary-eyed. It made me think, “I want to grow old like her. I want to have that moment some day… especially in my old age.” The 92-year old woman seemed like she was having the time of her life. Her persona reverberated in the entire room… a persona of a very fulfilled woman!

Our second day was equally fun. We had the ‘usual’ buffet breakfast and a quick dip in the hotel’s famous swimming pool. But that simple dance scene at Conway’s Bar was definitely the top most highlight of my weekend at the Shang.

This is all for now.

Everything Happens for a Reason

Note: These are just random thoughts. I started writing the draft in my mind while on my way to and from Calamba, Laguna.

 

– o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o –

 

My last post was again about sadness. I once again shouted to the whole world the pain I was feeling. Yes, when I was writing that entry, my heart was painfully devastated. I’m completely okay now. Good thing I have this blog as a venue to release that so-called sadness. Mabilis na akong mag-move on ngayon 🙂 Blogging is really of great use for me.

 

– o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o –

 

I always believe that things happen for a reason. We are all bound to experience certain things in life. We just have to identify how each experience can/could/will/would make us a better person. I may have whined on a lot of things, but whining is just my way to release some tensions. But at the end of each day, there’s nothing I can do but to accept how things are… accept that things happen for a reason… for a purpose. And all these experiences make me what I am today.

 

– o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o –

 

My iPod is always hooked in my ears whenever I am alone. I always put it in shuffle mode. Out of the 900 songs, I came across to this familiar love song while I was on my way to Calamba this morning. Naka-relate ako… and I’d like to post the lyrics for the very person in my previous entry:

  “Coz you’ve made me stronger by breaking my heart

   You ended my life and made a better one start

   You’ve taught me everything from falling in love to letting go of a lie

   Yes, you’ve made me stronger, baby, by saying goodbye…

   Think again… don’t feel sorry for me, my friend

   Oooh… don’t you know, I’m not the one of the losing end”

Oh well, despite what happened, I’d still like to thank you for all the nice conversations we had. All the best for you, my dear friend.

 

– o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o –

 

I was extremely tired and puyat last Friday and Saturday, but still, I opted to spend time with two of my friends. Kahit mukhang zombie at bangenge na ako eh pinili pa rin na gumala sa MOA, magpakalunod sa kape (mocha frap venti, as always!) at magdagdag ng alkohol sa bahay alak! Hahaha! It was a clean gimmick. We didn’t go out to talk about depression… we just had our usual bonding moments.

Mina and Jimmer, thanks so much for the wonderful weekend. Thanks for making me smile.

 

– o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o –

 

My Laguna trip was a reminder of God’s great love for me. I was once again reminded that I am surrounded by true friends. Kuya Alvin is a long-time friend. We’ve known each other for almost 20 years now. And despite our distance and busy schedules, we still managed to keep our friendship intact. A friendship that will last as long as we both shall live… besides, we were bonded more by God when Kuya Alvin chose me to be the godmother of both his sons… and even his future children pa raw! That makes me the standard ninang-guardian of all his children! 🙂

 

– o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o –

 

This is all for now. My next entry will far better than this… happy, meaningful and organized! Until next post!

A Timely Death

Disclaimer: I am not in any way making sadness as part of my lifestyle but this is what I really feel now. I’m just writing it down to let this sadness out of my system 😦

I guess you are wondering why my blog is titled as such. I am once again writing on a sad note. Something in me died yesterday and I feel that this weird state of mine is only but timely as the entire Christian nation celebrates the day for our dearly departed. I almost felt like I was one of those who are quitely lying in their tombs of eternal silence… I felt like I was in a state wherein in emotions are no longer important… i wanted to be in a state wherein being hurt could no longer be felt.

Yesterday, I almost wanted to bury myself if that is the only way to make my pain go away. I felt so tired on almost about everything. I felt of wanting to give up on a lot of things. I felt love was nowhere near my premises. I felt pain deep in my heart. I felt I was no longer of worth. Yesterday, I felt I died.

The other night, I found myself crying my pain in prayers. I asked God a lot of questions my lame mind could no longer comprehend. I was extremely emotional that I asked Him to take away every feeling in my heart… everything that I don’t need. I even asked God to take that slightest feeling of love in my heart as I know that it was the source of my so-called pain.

It is actually my third time to experience this kind of pain. And it is something that I don’t intend to keep in my heart. It may take me quite a while though to recover and move on. I need some space. I need time alone. I need to isolate myself from the world for a while. I need to fix my broken heart.

Just like death, I know I will be resurrected soon… resurrected to the old life that I used to know… to my old life that I used to live.

Happy Birthday, Mommy!

My mom celebrated her 72nd birthday last Saturday, October 27. I really don’t have anything grand planned on her special day as we cancelled our Baguio trip due to the unstable weather. It’s really hard to travel up to the City of Pines on slippery roads. Besides, we just went there a couple of months ago.

So, why not take her to Enchanted Kingdom? She could at least re-live her Hongkong Disneyland experience… on a much cheaper expense! Then I thought, baka ako lang ang mag-enjoy as she is not so fond of taking those near-death-experience rides! Kahit nga tsubibo eh ayaw sakyan! Hehehe!

Good thing, my cousin sent me an SMS invite for the Wave 89.1 Concert two days before Mommy’s big day. I instantly requested for tickets reservation as it was for FREE! Well, I thought it would be a totally outrageous birthday celebration she’d never forget… and the most important of all, it’ll save me a lot of moolah! Kuripot! Hahaha!

Well, we started her day by hearing the 12-noon mass at the Sta. Cruz Church. Yeah, it’s my fault! I woke up late. We then headed to Robinson’s Manila to eat at Recipes Restaurant. As I said, nothing grand. And after our usual rounds at the mall, we headed back home to change and meet up with my friend, Mina, who joined us to watch the concert.

It was concert time. Having a white-haired old lady falling in line the Silvercity lobby (the concert venue) was really a different site for all music enthusiats. I wish you could witness that funny site, too! As soon as we entered the concert arena, Mommy, Mina, Potchie (my daughter-wannabe niece) and I immediately grabbed seats near the stage area. Too near that we could almost see the pores of the guest artists! Hahaha! All the while we thought that it was a collaboration of great artists as it was dubbed “D Gathering 2007”. We then found out that it was a launching concert of an upcoming soul singer named Thor. Anyways, we’re there to see the more famous ones like Luke Mejares, Jay-R, MYPM, Nina and Sitti.

I really do not know why my Mom get to experience a different kind of birthday no matter how simple we celebrate it. Two years ago, she had a photo op with FG Mike Arroyo and Mayor Lito Atienza while we grabbed some Jollibee value meals at Plaza Miranda (jologs talaga namin noh?). Last Saturday was also particularly special… my  mom went up the stage in the middle of the concert! Imaginge that! May isang lola na nakikigimik at nakikisalamuha sa mga young ones… well, my mom will always be young at heart!

I was the one to blame for that Mommy-walking-up-the-stage experience. When the DJ-con-emcee asked for birthday celebrants in the audience, I immediately pointed my mom (pero si Mina rin nakituro huh?! hehehe!) I can almost feel the male emcee tell me, “Sira ka rin noh?! Pati Lola mo pinagti-tripan mo!” Well, since show business runs in our blood, walang patumanging umakyat sa stage si Mudra! I feel a little ashamed at first, but then again I thought, “Bakit ba?” It was kinda weird but I feel so happy for Mommy as I felt she was enjoying the spotlight, eer limelight pala! 🙂

Truly, it’s another birthday worth remembering! I may have not given my mom’s greatest desires but I guess I somehow made her happy on her special day. I am actually not sure what her true desires are, but I have three guesses in mind… eto po:

(1) Trip to Singapore… ang taray, nag-ipon na sya ng plane fare nya huh!

(2) The joy of having an apo of her own… she really wanted to experience this all her life!

(3) For me to have a family of my own… we’ve already talked about this once some years ago pa!

Well, I think I’ll just save up for that Singapore trip for her next birthday… parang suntok sa buwan yung last 2 wishes nya eh! Although, item # 2 is some-kinda doable! Hehehe!

Happy birthday, Mommy! All the best for you! Wish you longer life and the pinkiest of health… at nawa’y ma-experience mo talaga magka-apo 🙂

The Single Women’s Sentiments

Lately, I always find myself talking to my equally-single friends. May it be online (yes, voice chat included!) or may it be upclose over a cup of Starbucks mocha frap (venti, of course!), we would always end up talking about the single girls’ endless topic… SINGLEHOOD! What else is new?! Our topics would usually range from simple I-wanna-have-a-relationship to where-the-hell-is-my-Mr. Right to what-if-I-am-married-now scenarios. We sometimes discuss things like independence, dependence, having children, being a single mom, kinky stuff (hmmnn, naughty girls!) and anything that you could ever think of.

Truly, single girls’ sentiments are all over the place whenever my so-called unattached girlfriends and I hit the all-girls-talk corner. Apparently, I share some of these sentiments. Some sound rather desperate and pathetic (ooops, sorry for the word!) but some are simply funny that are too hilarious not to be shared.

I will not mention any name of my equally-single friends… otherwise, they will kill me! (Actually, I feel that they would all hunt me down as soon as they read this post. Yikes!). These equally-single friends are of the same league as me. We all have our own careers. We like to hang out as if there’s no tomorrow. We buy things as our hearts please. We save up money to see and go to wonderful places. We all try to live life to the fullest. But despite of it all, there are some lame mind-boggling questions that we (sige na nga, myself included) can not seem to comprehend… things that I’d like to call as “life’s greatest mysteries”.

Anyhow, here are some of the most common sentiments, predicaments, questions and statements that I usually hear during our usual chikahan-over-coffee and endless-pamorningan-chat sessions. Mind you, some of these are in verbatim! Some are just plain translations or something-to-that-effect statements. Please excuse some foul words as these were uttered by extremely irritated women. LOL! Again, not in chronological order, huh?!

• “Where the hell will I find Mr. Right?” (Clueless talaga!)
• “Hmp, buti pa mga bading, may papa! Ako wala! Waaah!” (Sourgraping!)
• “Do you think there is someone really meant for me?” (Truly confused!)
• “Why do I attract the wrong market? Kung sino yung di ko type, yung ang nanliligaw sa akin!” (Mapili pa!)
• “Bakit ganun? Pangit ba ako? Bakit wala akong BF?” (Feeling insecured!)
• “Haller, di hamak naman na mas maganda ako sa GF nya noh?!” (Laitera naman! LOL!)
• “Ang tatanga ng mga lalaki! Mahilig sa mga pangit!” (Bad! Bad! Bad!)
• “Buti pa sya may ka-holding hands… di ko na alam feeling ng may ka-holding hands eh!” (This one’s pathetic!)
• “Ang hirap naman kasi, yung mga good breed eh taken na!” (Sourgraping again!)
• “Punyeta, kaya nagkakaubusan ng lalaki… ang daming bading! Pati sila kaagaw pa natin!” (Galit sa 3rd sex?!?! LOL!)
• “Hmp, di naman mataas standards ko! Di ako pihikan noh?!” (This statement is mine! Hehehe!)
• “Hmmnn, siguro lang mataas na ang standards ng mga lalaki these days.” (This is mine again! Hehehe!)
• “Why do I attract the wrong market a.k.a. married men? Mukha ba akong mistress material?” (Yes, I told this to myself once! Nyehehe!)
• “Haaay, guys are so immature! Intimidated sa successful women!” (Aaahh, this one is not mine! Hehehe!)
• “Baka naman kasi wala talagang inilaan si Lord for me?” (With matching teary-eyed ito huh?! Hehehe!)

And the most classic statement for all time…

• “Lord, hanggang kailan po ba ako maghihintay???” (Eto naman, while kneeling at the adoration chapel! Hehehe!)

I’d like to quote a simple comment my 13-year old niece once told me. It’s kinda serious and slightly religious though and goes something like this, “You need not to worry, Tita! God is preparing the best one for you kasi you have patiently waited. For the meantime, enjoy your singlehood. Savor life! Besides, you don’t need to have that special someone to make you happy. You have your family and friends who love you so very much. And they are the ones who truly matter.” Yes, these words came from an early-teener.

I think my niece’s statements are very innocent and true. But things aren’t as simple as that especially when you are still single at 30’s. As I said, I share my equally-single friends’ sentiments. I feel that these sentiments or predicaments are only but normal. This reminded me of this funny email conversation I had with a friend some years ago. My friend wrote, “Ay Winks, single women in their 30s usually end up either with a gay or married man. You choose! Kaya dapat ngayon pa lang eh nagpa-panic ka na!”  Please don’t get him wrong. It was his odd way of telling me to go and find a “boylet” soon! Well, I just wish that finding a “boylet” is as easy as 1-2-3!

Haaay, it’s really hard for single women to live in the midst of the couple’s world. A world that expects everyone to have a special someone… a lifetime partner… a better half.

So, to all my equally-single friends, I guess we keep my niece’s statements in mind for the meantime. Let’s savor life. Enjoy our every minute to the fullest. Live our singlehood with pride. And always keep these words in mind:

“It’s their loss, not ours! Sorry na lang sila at di nila tayo matitikman!” LOL!