My Idea of Love… decoded!
Looks like an interesting topic, huh?! Well actually, I got inspired to write this entry as a continuation of my previous post. When I re-read it last night, I felt I sounded so overly strong and annoyed with that standard thing. I guess, no one can blame me for feeling that way as I am almost always accused of having such high standards… and this “so-called standards” is the main reason of my being single at 30s. Well, I too can’t blame people for thinking that way. Some are just curious and some are simply worried that I may become too much contented as a single person.
I know I do not need to explain myself to anyone nor prove that I am not that ‘picky freak’ as other people would coin me to be. I do not also intend to defend my singlehood nor want to prove that being single is a much better state than being married, or vice versa. I am writing this entry simply because I wanted to share some of my personal thoughts, ideas and beliefs on love and relationships. And hopefully, give people a better understanding of why I do not have a better-half yet.
So let’s get the ball rolling with my kick-ass statement: “Believe it or not, I do not want to endulge myself on love.”
Hah! Such a strong statement there, eh?!
Of course, I have my own reasons why I have that statement in mind. As I may have written in one of my entries, I have my share of love stories in the past. And mine were not the “ideal” kind of relationships a simple girl would/could ever dream of. My stories are rather exceptional and are known only to people who are very close to me. So, if you have a crystal clear idea of what I am trying to say, well then, close friends tayo! 😛
For me, love is a not a game to be played. Love is and always will be a serious thing. Love is such a strong word. People would rarely hear me say those 3 divine words. And when I say those words, it only means one thing… I am dead serious of what I feel.
Love entails a lot of things. Happiness. Companionship. Acceptance. Commitment. Responsibility. Sacrifice. It gives a person a sense of belongingness. It allows a person do things unexpectly. It makes a person do things unselfishly. Love gives an unexplainable feeling of sensation.
Love has its drawbacks though. Pain. Hurt. Resentment. Heartache. Most of the time, it leaves a person devastated. Sometimes, it makes a person feel so low, wasted and so damn worthless. But these things actually make love more valuable and make a person stronger. Somehow, these drawbacks make a person be an expert on love and make a person undertand love a little bit more… in a hard way.
But how ever which way we think about it, love is such a wonderful thing.
Being involved with someone without love is such a useless feeling. Yes, I have tried this once some years back and it’s not a nice feeling. I only felt emptiness. It was just a waste of time… such a waste of my precious time! And I promised myself to never do that again… not in this lifetime. Anyhow, it’s also good to have experienced such thing. It further confirmed my thoughts and ideas on love.
I don’t want to indulge myself on love simply because I don’t want to play with my emotions. I don’t want to put my heart on the line. Yes, I’m not a risk taker. I want to stay in my comfort zone. I want to keep myself intact first before I enter the complicated world called love. Because when I fall in love, I just don’t give my heart to certain person… I give my whole being. I give him my present and my future. I give him all of me.
And despite this Winkie-don’t-want-to-indulge notion, my heart is in fact open for a new love… it always is. I’m just overly careful not to experience those negative things love brings… pain, suffering and heartbreak.
So there, I said it. I’m not sure if I was able to clearly tell my ideas on love… my inner thoughts on love and being in love.