A Timely Death
Disclaimer: I am not in any way making sadness as part of my lifestyle but this is what I really feel now. I’m just writing it down to let this sadness out of my system 😦
I guess you are wondering why my blog is titled as such. I am once again writing on a sad note. Something in me died yesterday and I feel that this weird state of mine is only but timely as the entire Christian nation celebrates the day for our dearly departed. I almost felt like I was one of those who are quitely lying in their tombs of eternal silence… I felt like I was in a state wherein in emotions are no longer important… i wanted to be in a state wherein being hurt could no longer be felt.
Yesterday, I almost wanted to bury myself if that is the only way to make my pain go away. I felt so tired on almost about everything. I felt of wanting to give up on a lot of things. I felt love was nowhere near my premises. I felt pain deep in my heart. I felt I was no longer of worth. Yesterday, I felt I died.
The other night, I found myself crying my pain in prayers. I asked God a lot of questions my lame mind could no longer comprehend. I was extremely emotional that I asked Him to take away every feeling in my heart… everything that I don’t need. I even asked God to take that slightest feeling of love in my heart as I know that it was the source of my so-called pain.
It is actually my third time to experience this kind of pain. And it is something that I don’t intend to keep in my heart. It may take me quite a while though to recover and move on. I need some space. I need time alone. I need to isolate myself from the world for a while. I need to fix my broken heart.
Just like death, I know I will be resurrected soon… resurrected to the old life that I used to know… to my old life that I used to live.